Valentine’s Day is indeed the most romantic and sweetest day of the year, but with all that romance comes a lot of pressure—and probably some unmet expectations. That’s because you may have built up in your mind how your partner should profess their love for you. You may also compare yourself to other people and their celebrations.

If Valentine’s Day ends up leaving you feeling more disappointed than loved, here are six things you can do to work through your disappointments and make your relationship stronger.

1. Check Your Expectations
   You may have certain expectations when it comes to Valentine’s Day, but maybe what you really need is a reality check. Were you expecting diamonds and a gourmet dinner when you know that your partner is stressed out over money? You may be expecting too much. Were you expecting a marriage proposal when you know your partner isn’t ready for marriage? You may be expecting too much.

The thing about expectations is that if you don’t share what yours are, they aren’t going to be met. You partner isn’t a mind reader, and if Valentine’s Day wasn’t celebrated in a way you saw fit, it’s likely because you didn’t communicate your expectations. You should have said something.

2. Acknowledge the Positive
   Instead of focusing on what your partner didn’t do, or the ways they fell short, redirect your attention to the ways they showed their love. Not everyone speaks the same romantic language—your partner refilling your car’s washer fluid may be a labor of love even if you don’t interpret the gesture that way.

Perhaps your honey bought you flowers, but they aren’t your favorite ones. Or maybe your beloved opted to go out for dinner when you wished they had cooked for you. Let’s be honest: These are not real disappointments.

3. Resist the Urge to Be Passive Aggressive
   Being direct with your feelings is hard work. It forces you to be vulnerable and it puts you in an uncomfortable position of believing you are worthy of expressing your needs. As a result, it may feel easier to be cold or give the silent treatment to your partner in the days after Valentine’s Day instead of communicating your disappointment. But being honest and open is worth more than a dozen roses. In fact, having the courage to express yourself will bring your relationship to a more authentic place.
4. Talk to Your Partner
   Explain to your partner how you feel post-Valentine’s Day. Don’t blame or point fingers. Use “I” statements to express your disappointment and take responsibility if you didn’t share your holiday wants with them. This way, your partner won’t feel attacked, and they will be more open to hearing your feelings. You never know, maybe they were expecting you to do something for them!
5. Share Your Romantic Wants
   Use this situation as an opportunity to share your perspective on Valentine’s Day—and romance in general. Share what gestures you find romantic and be curious about what your partner has to say on the topic. You both want each other to feel loved and cared for; you may just have different ideas of what that really means. This is a great chance for you two to connect and deepen your understanding of your respective love languages.
6. Reevaluate the Relationship
   If all of the above just doesn’t apply to your particular situation, then you may have a bigger issue on your hands. Maybe you did clearly express your needs, and your partner chose not to listen. Perhaps you said how much you love Valentine’s Day and you really wanted to do something special, and your partner just didn’t seem to care. If your disappointment runs deeper than just this holiday, examine if this is the partnership you want to be in.

Technology has massively improved our collective ability to communicate, but if we’re not careful, technology will ruin relationships. While technology allows us to keep in touch with faraway friends and family and can help us “see” them via video chatting, it can also help us ignore the people in the same house, neighborhood, and town. Making plans, checking in with your partner or finding a date is as easy as sending a text message. However, is using technology to make plans or to express affection as good as talking in person?

The digital strides we’ve made may allow us to stay in touch with everyone, but they can harm our real-life connections. Keep yourself in check by making sure you don’t let the following four actions become bad habits to the point where technology ruins relationships.

Paying More Attention to Your Devices Than to In-Person Conversations 
Everyone has been guilty of this at some point or another. You’re at home with your partner hanging out or you’re at dinner with friends and you can’t stop looking at your cell phone. Maybe there’s work drama playing out over email. Maybe you “need” to check this week’s fantasy football picks or maybe Instagram is beckoning.

Whatever the reason, looking at your phone while you’re spending time with other people is not only rude, but it also signals to those you’re with that they’re not really all that important to you. Don’t dismiss your friends and loved ones. Instead, learn to detach from your device when you’re together.

Keeping Up with Friends Only Through social media
Facebook makes it so easy to stay in-the-know about what’s going on in your pals’ lives. But simply “liking” or commenting on friends’ statuses and photos certainly aren’t enough to keep a true relationship going. For acquaintances, digital correspondence is fine, but you shouldn’t congratulate your best friend on her engagement via wall post.

Make the effort to reach out to your friends over the phone, or even through email. If time is tight, wait until you have a few free minutes before reaching out.

Bringing Your Phone to Bed
Technology ruins relationships in the bedroom and there’s nothing less sexy than bringing your phone to bed. When you’re scrolling your news feed, engrossed in the mundane world of social media, you’re signaling to your partner that you’re not interested in having sex. (If you’re not, this is a great way to avoid it.) However, if you want to be intimate, put your phone away and make your bedroom a tech-free sanctuary for sleep and sex only.

Comparing Your Relationships to the Ones You See Online
To compare is to despair. It’s all too easy to take in the photos and posts you see on social media and assume that everyone else has a happier relationship, life, and family than you do. It only seems that way because most people don’t post pictures of their fights and frustrations. They don’t take pictures of their messy bathrooms or the dirty dishes that have been in the sink for three days.

While social media is a way for people to share their lives, know that what they are sharing is curated—you’re seeing the best of the best. If you start feeling down about yourself and your relationships while viewing social media, it’s time to take a long break from it before technology ruins relationships.

Your boyfriend and your best friend—the two people you’re supposed to trust the most are copping off behind your back. What could be worse! Although it’s true that sisterhood is supposed to prevail in this day and age, people commonly betray each other in horrible ways such as this.

The worst thing is that it challenges your trust in both women and men. It can be hard to enter into a relationship the same way, and it is now more difficult to seek solace from your girlfriends. According to Kuriansky, cheating is the ultimate betrayal; but how do you respond without stooping to their level?

Here are some coping methods to use in your time of darkness.

You Deserve to be Angry

You shouldn’t give in to urges to beat your best friend about the head no matter how much they hurt you. You should go to therapy instead, seeking the help of a professional guide to get through this trying period in your life. Also, don’t forget that you still have some real friends, so you should confide in them.

The pain will pass, but to paraphrase the advice of divorce attorney Stacy Phillips, you should be sure to allow it to pass before you get settled into your next relationship; otherwise, you will only bring anger and resentment into that other person’s life, potentially ruining your chances to have a good shot at it.

Notice the Silver Lining

Remember that the only thing that has changed in your life is that you have discovered the truth. Your boyfriend was sleeping with your best friend anyway; you have merely put an end to the ignorance.

Yes, it hurts that you still believed you had a good thing going on for so long only to have the rug pulled from beneath your feet in such a manner. Picking up on the advice of mentor Joan Bramsch, your goal should now work towards the acceptance of this silver lining.

It’s worth bearing in mind that this doesn’t have to be an absolutely terrible thing: it can be a learning curve. In the next point, we look at how to build upon your experience in a natural and healthy way.

Think Over Your Past Decisions

This isn’t your fault, but there are some judgements that you should review. For instance: How solid was your relationship with your partner? Similarly, how solid was your relationship with your BFF? Looking back, were there any signs that you decided to brush under the carpet? Were there any signs that now stand out as seeming suspicious?

This isn’t something to do too early on; you need to give yourself time to get over it first. But reviewing your judgement can help to assess the situation from an objective viewpoint before heading into your next relationship. That way, you can learn to spot ugly behavior before it manifests into something toxic.

Some Signs

This situation can be one of the most mind-blowing a person can encounter. If you’ve no idea what telltale signs you’re looking for, here are some helpful pointers.

• Your BFF is making less effort to speak to you, and something seems off when she does talk to you.
• Your BFF laughs a whole lot at your boyfriend’s jokes—even when they’re not funny.
• Your BFF is asking a great deal of questions about your partner that seem to overstep certain boundaries.

Of course, your boyfriend is also to blame—it takes two to tango, after all—so in that case, you need to confront his behavior. With both parties, you need to be wary: never confront them outright, but just ask sly questions like, “I know you’d never betray me,” etc.

Distance from your best friend can work wonders. If you believe she is crushing on your man, spend a bit of time apart. If you believe your boyfriend is crushing on your BFF, be sure to ask yourself whether or not that is the relationship for you. He could well be the common denominator, after all—and you don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.

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Technology has massively improved our collective ability to communicate, but if we’re not careful, technology will ruin relationships. While technology allows us to keep in touch with faraway friends and family and can help us “see” them via video chatting, it can also help us ignore the people in the same house, neighborhood, and town.

Making plans, checking in with your partner or finding a date is as easy as sending a text message. However, is using technology to make plans or to express affection as good as talking in person?

The digital strides we’ve made may allow us to stay in touch with everyone, but they can harm our real-life connections. Keep yourself in check by making sure you don’t let the following four actions become bad habits to the point where technology ruins relationships.

1. Paying More Attention to Your Devices Than to In-Person Conversations 
   Everyone has been guilty of this at some point or another. You’re at home with your partner hanging out or you’re at dinner with friends and you can’t stop looking at your cell phone. Maybe there’s work drama playing out over email. Maybe you “need” to check this week’s fantasy football picks or maybe Instagram is beckoning.

Whatever the reason, looking at your phone while you’re spending time with other people is not only rude, it signals to those you’re with that they’re not really all that important to you. Don’t dismiss your friends and loved ones. Instead, learn to detach from your device when you’re together.

2. Keeping Up with Friends Only Through social media
   Facebook makes it so easy to stay in-the-know about what’s going on in your pals’ lives. But simply “liking” or commenting on friends’ statuses and photos certainly aren’t enough to keep a true relationship going.

For acquaintances, digital correspondence is fine but you shouldn’t congratulate your best friend on her engagement via wall post. Make the effort to reach out to your friends over the phone, or even through email. If time is tight, wait until you have a few free minutes before reaching out.

3. Bringing Your Phone to Bed
   Technology ruins relationships in the bedroom and there’s nothing less sexy than bringing your phone to bed.

When you’re scrolling your news feed, engrossed in the mundane world of social media, you’re signaling to your partner that you’re not interested in having sex. (If you’re not, this is a great way to avoid it.) However, if you want to be intimate, put your phone away and make your bedroom a tech-free sanctuary for sleep and sex only.

4. Comparing Your Relationships to the Ones You See Online
   To compare is to despair. It’s all too easy to take in the photos and posts you see on social media and assume that everyone else has a happier relationship, life, and family than you do. It only seems that way because most people don’t post pictures of their fights and frustrations. They don’t take pictures of their messy bathrooms or the dirty dishes that have been in the sink for three days.

While social media is a way for people to share their lives, know that what they are sharing is curated—you’re seeing the best of the best. If you start feeling down about yourself and your relationships while viewing social media, it’s time to take a long break from it before technology ruins relationships.

As a psychic advisor, I am receiving a lot of calls about love and relationships. The truth is that we all want to be loved. We all want to have love in our lives and yet at times we treat love as though it’s a lottery ticket. We’re just waiting to see the winning numbers, when instead we should just walk with love. We treat love as though it’s something to possess or something that proves to us that we are worthy. And yet, we are all worthy of love, aren’t we?

Sometimes we lose the experience of being in relationship because we are so busy looking to get somewhere in a relationship—that promise or that ring, that wedding day, that shared dwelling place. There is never a guarantee. Yet there are some things we can do in order to make the most of the romantic relationships we’re in.

Here are my top five suggestions:

1. Rather than worry about what they might do tomorrow, be present with them today.

It is easy to get caught up in worry when we are attached to someone—worry that they will leave, worried that we will make a mistake, worried that this might not be “the one.” Instead of worrying about the future, be present, enjoy the moment and take it all in. Why forgo the happiness you could have today by worrying about not having it to tomorrow?

2. Stop trying to control their behavior, thinking it will guarantee the outcome you desire.

You could be controlling your partner in many ways. Do you tell them who they can socialize with and how often as a means of trying to guarantee their loyalty and fidelity? Do you try to control what they eat, how they dress and how they spend their money? If you love them, let them be themselves. Nothing destroys a relationship faster than someone trying to control the relationship and their partner. You can’t prevent deception with control. If they are going to deceive you, they will find a way, no matter how much control you think you have.

3. Stop taking turns 

Stop playing the “whose turn is it” game. If you’re keeping track of how many times you did the dishes or how many times, they took out the garbage, you’re missing the point of a relationship. Relationships aren’t always 50/50. That means you both won’t be putting an equal amount of effort into it all the time. But that’s okay. It’s about taking care of each other, not keeping score. If you lose some of that pride, you may improve your relationship!

4. Stop editing your partner’s words to fit your own story. 

Don’t read between the lines and look for insults where there are none. Listen to your partner’s words and ask for clarification when needed. There is nothing worse than being in a relationship that lacks communication and understanding.

5. Don’t put the failures of your last relationship onto this partner.

Don’t bring the woes of your last relationship into this relationship and don’t compare your current partner to your last partner. Every person deserves a fair chance. If you’re waiting for this partner to make the same mistakes as your last partner, or repeat the same patterns, you are potentially damaging your relationship.

Think of it as a pair of old glasses. If your old glasses cause you to draw comparisons between your current partner and your old partner, put on a new pair of glasses! If you can’t help but make comparisons, you should consider resolving the issues from your previous relationships before trying again with someone new.

Many people call psychics because they want to know what the future holds for them. But nothing is static, and nothing is etched in blood in the universal fabric, so I suggest you call a psychic and ask about improving your present situation, first.

This article is just a sample of some of the advice I offer my callers. If you want to learn more about yourself and how you can love better, call me.

It’s a cliche that says, “It’s better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all” Well… in contrary to a Walt Disney movie, love isn’t always everlasting. ‘Happily, Ever After’ is now a thing of fairytales.

With divorce rates skyrocketing and the ‘seven-year itch’ tingling after only three, finding ways to keep longevity in a relationship can be quite daunting and many opt to head for the hills rather than commit the time and effort to salvage their relationships.

According to the government census, 3.6% of every 1,000 people were divorced in 2006 and fewer than 5% of divorcing couples sought marriage counseling. There are several things couples can do to keep their relationships healthy, passionate, and long lasting. Up for the challenge?

Communicate:

Talk to you partner! Lack of communication can make or break relationships, whether it be friends, family, or significant others. Communicating thoughts and feelings, whether good or bad, can be healthy in a relationship.

Your partner may not like some of the things you have to say, but if you have enough respect and love for each other, they will take your feelings and opinions into consideration. Holding feelings or concerns back can lead to stress, resentment or even hatred for the other person.

Keep Dating:

You’re both extremely busy with family and careers and really don’t have much one-on-one time? Make time. Initially dating is part of a courtship, but as time passes, couples feel that going out to dinner or catching a movie is no longer necessary.

Choose a day of the week to be your ‘date night.’ This will give you the chance to get away from the stresses of work and home life and allow you to spend alone time together. These dates can strengthen your relationship and give you a chance to catch up.

Remain Intimate:

At first the sex was new, exciting, and passionate. Now it’s monotonous, boring and something you can do without. Sex alone can put a strain on a relationship. When a partner is bored or loses interest, they may stray.

Keep your sex life fresh by doing little things to excite your partner. Come home early from work and have a candlelit dinner prepared. The catch…? Serve him in lingerie. Sex shouldn’t feel like a chore or an obligation. Be open to trying new things sexually.

Refer to a Kama Sutra book or even a close friend for advice and find out about new techniques you can try in the bedroom. This could surprise and even turn your partner on, while showing them that you are making an effort to keep the passion in your relationship.

Before throwing in the towel on your relationship, realize what it is that you have together and that will help you determine if your relationship is worth the fight. Besides…nothing good ever came easy!

Although tricky, the line between friendship and romance can be crossed. It is nothing new for friends to have a hidden crush between them. This crush may be held back by fear of losing the friendship all together. Along with the fear is excitement, because, after all, what could be more exciting than a romantic partner who is also a good friend? It can be done if you follow a few guidelines.

 Maintain Honesty

By entertaining the possibility of romance has already changed the perspective of your friendship.  You may feel that you have to hide your thoughts from you potential partner. If you would tell your friend anything, why change things now?

If honesty has played a major role in the friendship, keep to that.   Be honest by discussing the change in the way you view your friend.  Let them know that above all, you treasure your friendship. A great romance can blossom on the foundation of your friendship

Assume Nothing

Don’t assume that your friend knows about your feelings. You can’t assume that your friend will forsake all others, so don’t expect him/her to act as if you are there one and only if you haven’t discussed it.

Keep open the lines of communication.   If you both want your friendship to change into romance, be honest.  If your friend doesn’t not share your feelings, honestly discuss your disappointment, and move on.

Lip Service to Change

If you friendship begins to bloom into love, treat them like a lover.  Step up your meetings from casual to date like.  Take the initiative by being romantic. Honor this change as special as your love is for each other.

Things to Consider

It is widely thought that men and women can’t be friends in the first place. The belief is that men can’t view a woman as anything but a sex partner and that women can’t fully communicate with a man without trying to conquer him through seduction. There are few things to think about if you want to cross this barrier.

Whenever you are spending time together as friends, initiate some touching by offering a back rub or lightly touching him/her while you are talking.  Make sure you are dressing as if you would for a date. This may help your friend look at you from a different perspective.

If things don’t take off from there, start a discussion about becoming more than friends just to see how your friend feels. Be prepared to back up your assertion that you can remain friends if the feelings aren’t mutual.

Before you start the process ask yourself if you really mean that this will not ruin your friendship and if you can handle the disappointment if your relationship doesn’t change the way you want to.   Acknowledge that your feelings might not be reciprocated.  Know that you are taking a chance.  No matter what happens, be true to yourself.

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When sadness strikes, especially if you’ve been sitting at the singles table for a while then you may be tempted to clutch onto a relationship that you’re sort of sure isn’t really right for you. Perhaps there is someone in the periphery who is attracted to you, but you’re not attracted to them, but the idea of seeing them is becoming desperately tempting.

Perhaps your feelings of ambivalence are based on the idea that getting involved means at least you’re not single anymore! When you get this urge to “settle,” re-read the list below and you may change your thinking. Truly, it’s never a good idea to settle for the wrong relationship just to have a relationship – but we all get the urge.

Don’t settle…

It takes more energy to be in a bad relationship than the right relationship. Get ready to feel run down and “not quite right” if you are putting your energy into something you know deep down, isn’t really what you want.

It will hinder your personal growth and take time away from working on yourself. Self-growth and expansion only goes two ways – out or down.

Your time will be compromised because you will need time to see this other person. It won’t be long before you feel crowded and overwhelmed if you’re not head over heels in love. You will grow to resent the person you picked on a whim. The initial courting period is a very important time for both people to decide to go further.

You won’t be open to a deep and lasting love that is healthy for you. Other available people, who could be right for you might walk right by you … You must be available for love to receive it.

What Does it Mean to be in a Relationship?

Being in a relationship isn’t everything you think it is. If you’ve been single for a while, you may be under the illusion that when this incredible relationship finally shows up, you’ll suddenly be smarter, make more money… you’ll have a whole new life and be a whole new you. These things may or may not happen, but they won’t happen because of a relationship.

Seeking Validation

It doesn’t prove you’re a lovable person just because you’re in a relationship. Grasping for love from any adult partner who comes along may be an attempt to finally get the validation you could not receive as a child. No partner can survive under this outsized expectation.

Listening to Your Intuition

You might miss the big promotion. When you go against your instincts repeatedly, eventually you won’t be able to hear your intuition. You won’t be as sensitive to what is happening around you. This dulled intuition will affect more than just your love life.

Making Your Own Anxiety

There is always a consequence to our actions. Anxiety is a clue to what is really going on inside. Knowing that you are just holding on to someone until something better comes along or because you are afraid of being alone, will create unease and even anxiety as time goes on.

Throwing yourself into something out of fear tells the universe that you don’t trust that good things are coming.

Take all the energy you wish you could spend on that special someone and throw it back into the world. Spend time with family and friends and know that even though you may be technically “single” you are not alone. You are a part of this beautiful love affair called life. You are brimming with this miracle of existence all on your own.

It is said that seeking bashert is a daunting task, but one that once you find it, it is the best gift life has to give. How do you know when you have found it?

First of all, what does it mean?

The Hebrew word bashert literally means soulmate. It means so much more than that. Symbolically it means it is the person who is truly the only one in the entire world that is a full complement to you with all of your strengths and weaknesses. It is your destiny to find them and put yourself in complete balance.

A Bashert can include:

• A husband or wife relationship.
• A true soulmate.
• Someone that will complement you in a perfect way.
• A predestined spouse, friendship, or other relationship.
• Connection and love bond.

How do you find Bashert?

The best part about this journey is that bashert is not something you can seek, it is found as you travel on your own journey being fully open to them when you find them. You may have to go through many relationships to find them.  They may not arrive as a love partner. They may start as a friend but as you both mature and change, their true role in your life will appear.

Will it last forever?

Since Bashert is your ultimate mate, they are part of your ultimate goal, and they will be part of the full completion of your life journey.  Once you have found them, you will work together to make your worlds complete.

Your Bashert will be your destiny and will be there to help you to have strong relationships. They will be a match between you and them and it will be a match that was given to you by the universe.

Do you have to find them later in life?

Not necessarily, but if you find them at young age will you be emotionally and spiritually maturing enough to recognize them?  If you do not, will you be able to go back to find them?  If they are truly the one for you, you will have the strength and temerity to seek them out.  Your bashert is part of your journey they are not the destination. They are truly a gift from fate.

Ever single  couple has different quirks and other things that make their relationship unique. Thus, there is no specific formula or set of rules to make a romance run smoothly.  But it seems that some couples have some secret that makes their relationship better.

Here is a list of a things that help keep the partnership strong:

1. Remember that you are partners

While it is important that you keep your individuality and independence in your relationship, it is just as important to remember that you are couple and you are a team. You should work together and be each others’ shelter from the storm.

2. “I love you” should mean something

If you have been with your partner for a few years, you may have slipped into the kind of slump where you respond automatically when your partner says, “I love you.” Stay mindful of what your are really saying. make sure that you put as much emphasis in to the everyday I love you as you did in the very first one. Don’t run the risk of taking your love for granted. You earned this love. Cherish it so you can keep it.

3. Don’t let the magic of intimacy go by the wayside. Being intimate with your partner has several benefits. It can reduce your stress while raising your self esteem. It is also a great way to connect to your partner. It gives you a chance to bond on every level. Schedule a date night for special time with your partner.

4. Don’t bring your old baggage into your current relationship.

It is only natural that each of you has a past. Don’t drag in your old behaviors into this new relationship.  Think about what went wrong in you past and leave that type of thing where it belongs, in the past. You are now a different person and are in a different relationship.

5. Stay compassionate

When we are in the first days  of a romance, we are very understanding and forgiving. We celebrate the differences between us.  But once you have been together for awhile, these difference can become irritating.   This is only natural, but how can you avoid conflict.  Stay compassionate.  Think of how you are resounding and have a bit of empathy. You probably have a few things that annoy your partner.  Celebrate your differences. The combination of empathy and respect can help your relationship last a long time.