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Control in Romantic Relationships

So much is out of our control when it comes to love. As much as we would like to be able to force somebody to fall in love with us, one thing we just can’t control is other peoples’ emotions. Further, as much as we might want a romantic relationship to last, we simply don’t know what the future might hold. But there are some things in your love life can be controlled, and then used to help create vibrant, lasting romantic relationships.

You can control:

The amount of effort that you put into your love life.

You get from a relationship what you put into it, just like so many other things in your life. This is true whether someone is still involved in the dating scene or if they’re already in a solid relationship. It’s completely up to each person the amount of energy they’re willing to spend on love. You and only you get to decide the amount of effort you’re going to expend to go on dates, to respond to messages, or to create an online dating profile. You are also in control of the amount of effort you choose to put into showing your loved one how your appreciation and how deeply you care for them.

How low or high you set your standards.

You are the only one who knows the type of partner that would be best for you, and the qualities you look for in others so you can thrive in the relationship together. Don’t let yourself settle for someone who’s less than what you’re looking for out of loneliness, or because you think that they’ll be good enough for the short term and might change for the long term.

Conversely, try to be realistic about what type of person you think you need so you can be happy with them. Remember, nobody is perfect! The way you decide the necessary characteristics in a romantic partner versus what would just be nice to have is one thing you can control. It is something that can have a major impact on the course of your future love life.

Your level of honesty.

We’ve all heard the old saying that honesty is the best policy. Besides being an old saying, it’s the truth. Honesty is a critical component of healthy relationships, especially romantic ones. When you’re involved in a romantic relationship, you have control over discussing with your partner things like how serious you want the relationship to be, what your personal life goals are, and if you want to have kids someday.

It’s also up to you to decide if you’re going to be honest to yourself about your feelings for your partner. Being honest to yourself about what you want and need in the relationship give the relationship —and your life—a high level of integrity.

Your level of vulnerability.

It can be difficult to really allow someone into your life and your heart. This is especially true if your past includes hurt as a result of relationships. But the level of openness and vulnerability you choose to show in a relationship is totally up to you. You control which aspects of yourself you want to show, and when you want to show then. You get to decide what you prefer to keep hidden until you’re feeling more certain and comfortable in this relationship. This aspect includes discussions about the number of people involved in your romantic past, or revealing information about the challenges and traumas you may have faced.

The amount of love you give.

The main reason for people to find a romantic partner is to receive and to give love. You have control over deciding when to fall in love, and when you’re ready to use words to express your love to that special someone. You also have control over deciding who deserves your love. This should give you the confidence you need to share yours heart with somebody who really appreciates and loves you.

Everyone deserves to experience love in their lives. You deserve to be happy and fulfilled.

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