Focusing On Yourself in a Relationship

You need to learn to focus on yourself while being in a relationship. Relationships are about there being equality and about both people making an effort to make each other happy. Of course, sometimes you will need some space to focus on your own needs.

Even if you’re dating the person that you love and you want to have a future with them, consider what you need for yourself. Doing this before you even start a relationship can be smart.

Spending a lot of time with your partner shows you how to act when you’re with them but if you aren’t around them do you know what to do with your time? Maybe you get bored when they aren’t always around and even the things that you used to love to do on your own you might not like to do anymore. All of this means that you might be losing yourself in your relationship.

Losing Yourself

Losing yourself in a relationship means that you have lost touch of who you are and that you are too attached to your partner. When they aren’t around you don’t feel complete. Here are some signs that you might be falling into this relationship trap:

• No Longer Loving Your Hobbies

The things that you once loved to do are things you no longer want to do unless your partner does them.

• Distant Friendships

When you used to hang out with your friends you no longer want to do this because you are distancing yourself to be with your partner. You need to keep in touch with them.

• No Longer Individualized

Instead of referring to yourself as “me,” you say, “us.”

• Avoid Being Alone

You no longer enjoy hanging out with yourself and you don’t take time for yourself because it means you will have to be away from them.

• You Don’t Know Why You Do Stuff

When you do something, you make sure that it is a choice that is only for your partner even if it isn’t a good thing.

• You Have No Opinion

You stop having your own opinion and you only take on what your partner thinks or feels about something.

• Stress

Sometimes you used to be stressed but now you feel anxious all the time.

• You Feel Numb

You feel that you are not able to deal with your life unless you are with your partner. You are running on autopilot, and you feel numb all the time. You don’t even know why you act a certain way.

• Too Involved

You are too involved in your partners life. You don’t let them have their own self identity and you are in a relationship where you are too clingy and pushy. Sometimes this is a relationship that you will see in a parent and child and sometimes you become motherly to your partner instead of their equal.

• Talking About Them

The only things that you can do is talk about your partner. You tell your friends, family, and everyone you meet about who your partner is and what they do. Some might get tired of dealing with this.

• Is This Normal?

Losing yourself in your relationship can be unhealthy for you and your partner. You should give yourself to your partner but if you lose touch as to who you are and you become overly needy to them, this will be toxic and will not end well.

You should progress and grow as a couple, but you should also be an individual. Here are some things to do if you feel that you’re losing yourself in your relationship!

• Have Self-Care

Take time for yourself and know who you are. Do some self-care and do things that will make you feel good. Spend time alone without your partner.

• Reach Your Goals

Set some goals and reach them. Don’t give up on your partner but if you want to go to college, do it. Find out what you’re passionate about and focus on yourself for a while.

• Family Time

Have some family time and know that spending time with someone other than your partner is healthy. Don’t let your family become a second idea but spend time with them.

• Best Friend Time

You also need to spend time with your friends. Do something fun, go on a vacation or just have a sleepover. Most people have a good friendship circle but neglecting them isn’t good for either of you.

• Know Who You Are

Know who you are and know that you are an individual. Embrace your freedom and make sure that you are doing habits that give you power. Let your partner know what you want and what you need.

If you feel that you’re neglecting yourself, be able to talk about this. Tell them your ideas and your views and be open to talking about what you want and need. Your opinion should be heard, and you should focus on your relationship as you grow.

• Setting Boundaries

Always set boundaries and make sure that you are putting yourself first sometimes. Be careful that you are respecting yourself and your partner.

• Be Clear

Be clear about what is going on inside of you. Ask yourself these things:

• • Why am I losing myself?
  • What is bothering you?
  • Are you around your partner because you’re bored?
  • Are you communicating properly?

Be clear to your partner about what you’re feeling and about what is happening now and what you hope for in the future.

• Future Thoughts

What do you want in the future? What do you want for yourself and for your partner? Where do you expect love to be later down the line?  Plan your future thoughts and your goals.

• Notice How You Behave

Pay attention to body language and what is going on in your relationship. Are you constantly arguing about little things? Are you as happy as you could be? Notice your behaviors and make sure that you are not fearful of losing yourself or your partner.

• Date

Date your partner. Go out on dates as much as you can. Spend quality time with each other. You shouldn’t lose your partner just because you are trying to find yourself. Set back time to date your partner so that you can make your relationship healthy and strong.

• Reach Your Dreams

Challenge yourself to reach your dreams and put behind you thoughts that you can’t do it. Just because you are dating someone doesn’t mean that you have to lose who you are.

• Communicate

Communicate with your partner what you like and what you need. Tell them the things that you don’t like. Know your worth and be who you are.

• Don’t Always Agree

You don’t always have to agree with everything your partner says or does. Speak up about what you are feeling and make sure that you are telling them when you disagree. This is a healthy thing, and it is how you gain respect from them.

• Be First

Instead of always putting your partner first, put yourself first sometimes. Learn to understand who you are and what you need.

• Do it Again

Set a routine to do things that will keep you fit and healthy. Keep yourself busy when you need to and take time for yourself. Go out and exercise, take a class, get a massage, or do whatever you need to do to make you feel beautiful.

• Love Yourself

Love yourself and make sure that you are accepting your flaws and the flaws of your partner. You need to respect each other the same.

• Trust Them

Trust your partner and make sure that they can trust you.

• Don’t Neglect Each Other

Even when you are finding yourself, don’t neglect your relationships. Spend time with your friends, family, and your partner. This can keep you being who you are while being with those you love.

• Use Your Intuition

Listen to what your gut feeling is telling you. Everything in the relationship won’t be perfect and that is okay. Don’t let this bother you. Communicate openly so that you can keep your identity strong.

• Communicate

Always be open to talking to your partner. Tell them what you’re feeling.

Final Thoughts

It takes two to make a relationship work. You shouldn’t be the one that is always having to put the effort into the relationship. You deserve to be able to grow and to be able to speak up for what you want and need.

Stand up for yourself when you need to because you deserve to have a good relationship. The behaviors and feelings that you have are important and this is what gives you respect. Respect your relationship and yourself as an individual. Don’t lose yourself along the way and learn to find yourself in everything that you do.