Your boyfriend and your best friend—the two people you’re supposed to trust the most are copping off behind your back. What could be worse! Although it’s true that sisterhood is supposed to prevail in this day and age, people commonly betray each other in horrible ways such as this.
The worst thing is that it challenges your trust in both women and men. It can be hard to enter into a relationship the same way, and it is now more difficult to seek solace from your girlfriends. According to Kuriansky, cheating is the ultimate betrayal; but how do you respond without stooping to their level?
Here are some coping methods to use in your time of darkness.
You Deserve to be Angry
You shouldn’t give in to urges to beat your best friend about the head no matter how much they hurt you. You should go to therapy instead, seeking the help of a professional guide to get through this trying period in your life. Also, don’t forget that you still have some real friends, so you should confide in them.
The pain will pass, but to paraphrase the advice of divorce attorney Stacy Phillips, you should be sure to allow it to pass before you get settled into your next relationship; otherwise, you will only bring anger and resentment into that other person’s life, potentially ruining your chances to have a good shot at it.
Notice the Silver Lining
Remember that the only thing that has changed in your life is that you have discovered the truth. Your boyfriend was sleeping with your best friend anyway; you have merely put an end to the ignorance.
Yes, it hurts that you still believed you had a good thing going on for so long only to have the rug pulled from beneath your feet in such a manner. Picking up on the advice of mentor Joan Bramsch, your goal should now work towards the acceptance of this silver lining.
It’s worth bearing in mind that this doesn’t have to be an absolutely terrible thing: it can be a learning curve. In the next point, we look at how to build upon your experience in a natural and healthy way.
Think Over Your Past Decisions
This isn’t your fault, but there are some judgements that you should review. For instance: How solid was your relationship with your partner? Similarly, how solid was your relationship with your BFF? Looking back, were there any signs that you decided to brush under the carpet? Were there any signs that now stand out as seeming suspicious?
This isn’t something to do too early on; you need to give yourself time to get over it first. But reviewing your judgement can help to assess the situation from an objective viewpoint before heading into your next relationship. That way, you can learn to spot ugly behavior before it manifests into something toxic.
This situation can be one of the most mind-blowing a person can encounter. If you’ve no idea what telltale signs you’re looking for, here are some helpful pointers.
- Your BFF is making less effort to speak to you, and something seems off when she does talk to you.
- Your BFF laughs a whole lot at your boyfriend’s jokes—even when they’re not funny.
- Your BFF is asking a great deal of questions about your partner that seem to overstep certain boundaries.
Of course, your boyfriend is also to blame—it takes two to tango, after all—so in that case, you need to confront his behavior. With both parties, you need to be wary: never confront them outright, but just ask sly questions like, “I know you’d never betray me,” etc.
Distance from your best friend can work wonders. If you believe she is crushing on your man, spend a bit of time apart. If you believe your boyfriend is crushing on your BFF, be sure to ask yourself whether or not that is the relationship for you. He could well be the common denominator, after all—and you don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.