Your boyfriend and your best friend—the two people you’re supposed to trust the most are copping off behind your back. What could be worse! Although it’s true that sisterhood is supposed to prevail in this day and age, people commonly betray each other in horrible ways such as this.
The worst thing is that it challenges your trust in both women and men. It can be hard to enter into a relationship the same way, and it is now more difficult to seek solace from your girlfriends. According to Kuriansky, cheating is the ultimate betrayal; but how do you respond without stooping to their level?
Here are some coping methods to use in your time of darkness.
You Deserve to be Angry
You shouldn’t give in to urges to beat your best friend about the head no matter how much they hurt you. You should go to therapy instead, seeking the help of a professional guide to get through this trying period in your life. Also, don’t forget that you still have some real friends, so you should confide in them.
The pain will pass, but to paraphrase the advice of divorce attorney Stacy Phillips, you should be sure to allow it to pass before you get settled into your next relationship; otherwise, you will only bring anger and resentment into that other person’s life, potentially ruining your chances to have a good shot at it.
Notice the Silver Lining
Remember that the only thing that has changed in your life is that you have discovered the truth. Your boyfriend was sleeping with your best friend anyway; you have merely put an end to the ignorance.
Yes, it hurts that you still believed you had a good thing going on for so long only to have the rug pulled from beneath your feet in such a manner. Picking up on the advice of mentor Joan Bramsch, your goal should now work towards the acceptance of this silver lining.
It’s worth bearing in mind that this doesn’t have to be an absolutely terrible thing: it can be a learning curve. In the next point, we look at how to build upon your experience in a natural and healthy way.
Think Over Your Past Decisions
This isn’t your fault, but there are some judgements that you should review. For instance: How solid was your relationship with your partner? Similarly, how solid was your relationship with your BFF? Looking back, were there any signs that you decided to brush under the carpet? Were there any signs that now stand out as seeming suspicious?
This isn’t something to do too early on; you need to give yourself time to get over it first. But reviewing your judgement can help to assess the situation from an objective viewpoint before heading into your next relationship. That way, you can learn to spot ugly behavior before it manifests into something toxic.
Some Signs
This situation can be one of the most mind-blowing a person can encounter. If you’ve no idea what telltale signs you’re looking for, here are some helpful pointers.
- Your BFF is making less effort to speak to you, and something seems off when she does talk to you.
- Your BFF laughs a whole lot at your boyfriend’s jokes—even when they’re not funny.
- Your BFF is asking a great deal of questions about your partner that seem to overstep certain boundaries.
Of course, your boyfriend is also to blame—it takes two to tango, after all—so in that case, you need to confront his behavior. With both parties, you need to be wary: never confront them outright, but just ask sly questions like, “I know you’d never betray me,” etc.
Distance from your best friend can work wonders. If you believe she is crushing on your man, spend a bit of time apart. If you believe your boyfriend is crushing on your BFF, be sure to ask yourself whether or not that is the relationship for you. He could well be the common denominator, after all—and you don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.
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I completely disagree with the idea of handling this situation in a calm and collected manner. Betrayal deserves a more direct approach—sometimes a dramatic confrontatio…n is necessary for closure.
What a profoundly insightful article! It brilliantly dissects the myriad emotions and complexities involved in such a poignant betrayal. The advice on seeking therapy and confiding in true friends is indispensable. Also, the notion that the pain will pass is a glimmer of hope many need to hear during such trying times. Kudos to the writer for addressing such a delicate topic with such grace and wisdom.
I am thoroughly impressed by the depth and empathy conveyed in this piece. The article provides not just emotional comfort but also actionable strategies for coping, such as noticing the silver lining and thinking over past decisions. These approaches are not only practical but also encourage personal growth and introspection. Thank you for offering such a thoughtful perspective on a situation that can feel overwhelmingly isolating.
Assessing past decisions can lead to better future judgment. While it’s important not to blame oneself, understanding how certain behaviors were overlooked can be enlightening.
Ah yes, because trusting people is so overrated. Why not just become a hermit and save yourself the trouble?
Oh, sure, because what we all need after being cheated on is a ‘discreet and honest psychic service.’ Really? Is this article for real? Maybe next time, recommend a crystal ball. Sarcasm aside, the advice is solid but could do without the mystical nonsense.
This article is incredibly insightful and offers some comforting advice for anyone going through such a betrayal. The emphasis on therapy and confiding in real friends highlights a constructive way to deal with the pain. Kudos to the writer for promoting healthy coping mechanisms!
Noting the silver lining is challenging but crucial. Realizing that finding out the truth, however painful, is better than living in ignorance, helps in moving forward.
Well, if nothing else, this article has given me a checklist for how to not get cheated on again. Who knew that laughing at unfunny jokes could be a sign of betrayal? On a serious note, the advice here is pretty useful, albeit a bit dramatic. A comical read for a tragic situation!
While the article provides some useful coping strategies, it fails to address the underlying psychology behind why people cheat and betray trust. Understanding the ‘why’ can be just as important as knowing how to cope with it. More comprehensive insight would be more beneficial.
Honestly, this article is just stating the obvious. Who wouldn’t be angry or hurt in such a situation? The advice given is generic and lacks depth. Also, the notion of looking for ‘signs’ just fosters paranoia. What we need are more practical steps on how to handle such betrayal.
This article provides some valuable insights. It’s essential to reflect on past decisions to avoid repeating mistakes in the future. Healing takes time, but the advice here is a good starting point.
It’s honestly quite laughable how people can be so naive. The signs are always there, people just choose to ignore them. Be more observant!
This article sheds light on a painful truth many people face. It is essential to process betrayal without resorting to more hurtful actions. Therapy, as suggested, can indeed be a great pathway to healing.
While the advice is sound, it feels somewhat elementary. Anyone with a modicum of emotional intelligence would already be aware of these steps. Real healing comes from deeply understanding oneself and one’s desires.
Well, not everyone has your ‘modicum of emotional intelligence,’ Kerstin. Some people might actually need this ‘elementary’ advice to get through tough times.
The emphasis on not rushing into another relationship until healing is complete resonates well. It’s vital to ensure you’re not carrying old wounds into new scenarios.
Absolutely. Unresolved emotional baggage can sabotage new relationships. Taking time to heal helps in making better choices in the future.
The article lists useful signs to watch for in friends and partners. While suspicion can be damaging, being aware of red flags is important for preventing deeper hurt.