Love affects a person deeply. Even when it disappears, there is no getting rid of the emotional impact it has on a person. Love may fade, love may be discarded, or love may be suppressed; nevertheless, it is impossible to fully erase love if it truly existed in the most profound sense. When we feel lonely or sad, it is natural to seek alternatives to our present situations by mining the past. This can often lead to a re-evaluation of past relationships that causes us to question (or even deny) the reality of breakups. Memories, no matter how vivid, are part of our imagination, and our imagination is one of our most vital impulses, given its ability to imbue what we imagine with emotions.
Reminiscing
Present circumstances trigger the memory. What this means is that old rom-coms or love songs can enable a wistful recollection of the past. Yet, if the relationship was fulfilling and mutually satisfying, the process becomes even sorer. We then idealize the past and frequently imagine our memories as better than our present situation.
It is entirely natural to feel nostalgia for a former flame. As such, it is worth having some form of awareness about this eventuality since it often leads lovelorn individuals into intensely confusing states. One may become overtly romantic in such situations; it helps to remember the artifice of those memories because then you will find it easier to combat them in the long run.
Anticipating Reunions
If your relationship is over, chances are it was never truly meant to be. Given the above point, however, it is incredibly natural—albeit unequivocally unhealthy—to anticipate a reunion with your former partner. Keep at the forefront of your mind that people rarely change and that reuniting is unlikely to correct your previous missteps.
The most integral aspect to remember when pining for romantic reunions is the inequality of it all: one person likely decided that the relationship was ending in the first place. As a result, a power imbalance and a cycle of accusations were formed that builds off the emotional memory of rejection, making a rekindling of relationships harder to achieve.
Nevertheless, not all relationships have one-sided, acrimonious endings. Some relationships end overwork difficulties. Some end with complicated living situations. Some people fail to move on from ex-partners themselves. In these cases, it is wholly acceptable for a romantic reunion to work successfully.
Lingering Scars
Despite the above point, relationships that end for external (read: non-romantic) reasons may never have the chance to be rekindled. Moreover, when reunions never manage to get off the ground, the emotional scarring may be worse. Quite simply, you have less closure, and unfinished business makes everything more complicated. Distractions with other potential partners are one thing, but you are denying yourself the opportunity to move on by holding out hope for a reunion with your ex-partner. It’s a total gamble. You need to achieve peace of mind and move on, or you will never achieve complete happiness; you will carry around the emotional scars of your unfinished affair with you forever.
Love is a powerful force. Even after a relationship ends, you will still feel the ripples that love made in your life. No matter how hard you might try, you will never be able to fully the purge the love that once existed between the two of you, you simple must make peace with it. Instead of the fighting your break-up create the space to space to reframe your narrative and lean into the lessons the relationship taught you. With time the scars of your break-up will heal and you will be better prepared to find the true love of your life.