It’s difficult to open yourself up to love again after being in an abusive relationship. You want to trust and love again but worry that you’ll fall for another abusing, controlling type of person.
Being in a toxic relationship can leave you with lasting emotional scars and you’ve probably been thinking of why you stayed with your ex for as long as you did. That sort of self-reflection is a healthy thing. When you understand the issues that led you to stay with an abusive partner, you feel more confident in breaking the pattern. Below are some shared tips on how to approach a relationship if you’ve been scarred by an abusive partner.
Acknowledge your mistakes
You have to be honest with yourself that you have made a mistake by staying with this abusive guy for so long and it was your mistake from the beginning to accept this situation and keep forgiving the abuser and giving him justifications.
Make a list of behaviors you won’t tolerate in your next relationship
Grab a pen and paper and write down a list of abusive behaviors that you will never tolerate again. When the relationship starts to get serious, share your list with your new partner. He has to understand the boundaries and accept them.
Take time for yourself and your recovery
It’s a big mistake to start a new relationship right after an abusive one. You need to take your time first to heal and recover from the abusive relationship. You need to gain back your self-esteem and respect. You need to love yourself again and love life. Get in touch with what you really want in life. Go and meet new friends, start a new hobby, take a yoga class, read your favorite books. Do things you love and focus on your own happiness.
Take care of yourself
It’s time to take care of yourself again! Exercise regularly and get up early in the morning and have a daily walk with the dog around the block. Here are some other things to do to take care of yourself:
- Get enough DEEP sleep. The deeper sleep you get, the happier you are. Deep sleep restores your energy, repairs your body, and improves your concentration.
- Eat healthy food such as fruit and vegetables. A healthy diet will help you restore your vitality and energy.
- Go to the spa and get massage regularly. Massage will help you get calm and relaxation you need.
- Get a new haircut and color. Buy new clothes and change your style.
Build your social support network
Find a group of people who share your interests and spend time with them. Take time to get to know them well. Hang out and have a coffee together or invite them over for pizza. Turn some of these people into friends and then spend more time together.
Keep a circle of positive people around you. They will be there for you when you seek support. They will also help you recover faster from the negative effects of abuse.
Believe it’s possible to love and trust again
Don’t let the negative experience you had with an abusive partner affects your trust in your new partner. Believe that you can start over and meet someone whom you can love and trust. Just learn how to love in a smarter and healthier way.