It’s common for a wife to complain, “My husband never listens to me!” Or for a girlfriend to vent to her best friends, “My boyfriend never pays attention to what I tell him!” Or for an engaged woman, who’s been discussing wedding plans with her fiancé for months, to ask him a question about a detail they’d discussed earlier, and he has no clue what she’s asking about!
Did he listen to anything she said?
Here are seven common issues men may have when it comes to listening to their romantic partner, along with some easy pointers about how women can address these common issues.
- She talks too much. Often, women have so much to say that the pertinent facts get lost in the intricacies of the story. If a man has to listen to his girlfriend gush about that cute top she saw at the store, how her sister is expecting a baby, and that she had a rotten day at work just to find out what’s for dinner, he can be left completely overwhelmed by the end of the saga and wonder what just hit him.
So, try to keep it short. Don’t meander on about every little thing, especially if you’ve noticed that he has little interest in frivolous details.
- He’s heard it all before. A man may think there’s nothing new to hear, so he automatically tunes out mid-sentence. According to him, it’s just old wine in a new bottle.
When you you have to go into detail, try to make it interesting to him. Grab his attention with a new anecdote or a funny story he hasn’t heard before.
- She’s nagging. One of the commonest complaints men have is that their partners nag them. Since they’re used to the general trend, they think there’s nothing different about what she’s going on about this time around.
Stop being predictable. Don’t get on him and nag about the same old stuff. If he hasn’t gotten the message by now, it’s time to change your stance or get him to move his butt by trying a new approach.
- He doesn’t like to be controlled. Men feel that if they listen to a woman to follow her instructions, it’s a sign that he’s putty in her hands, and she’ll take undue advantage of the situation. Once he gives in to her demands, he’ll be her puppet on a string.
When you want him to listen and follow through on instructions, don’t order him around. Ask him nicely, and check to see if he’s understainding what you’ve told him. Finally, act as if the ultimate decision rests with him.
- There are more pressing matters. If a woman is trying to talk while a man is doing something he considers more important, like watching the end of a football game, the last thing he wants to do is turn off the TV and tune in to his partner.
Don’t even try talking to him when he’s got the TV on. Eliminate all distractions, or wait until the game’s over before you start having your say.
- He has a short attention span. Often, men can’t keep their focus on what a woman is saying for too long. They rarely have the patience to give a woman their listening ear.
So when you’re talking, try and get him to maintain eye contact with you. That way, if his mind starts to go off on a rabbit trail, you’ll see it by the glazed or wandering look in his eyes. Call his attention back onto you before continuing.
- The topic is of little interest to him. If she insists on raving to him about the designer watch her boss’ wife was sporting, or the chandelier earrings her friend’s rich boyfriend surprised her with, that may be something a man has little to no interest in hearing.
Stay alert, and pause at suitable intervals to ensure you have his attention. Avoid monologues, and give him a chance to have his say too. Actively seek his opinion and ask him for relevant feedback, so that you know he’s not just physically present while his mind is elsewhere.
These easy tips will make the common issues of men listening to women easy to address. They can help the woman he loves become the one he’ll always listen to.
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