Everytime that a relationship ends.. there will be that nagging question. “What did I do wrong?” and that curiosity about the causes for a break up and the assumptions can create as much heartbreak as the actual split. The desire to find answers becomes an irresistible quest. Obviously, there are times when someone did do something wrong. It can be clear cut. There are also situations that make a relationship impossible.
It’s Not You, It’s Me
An often used explanation for a relationship failure is the line, “It’s not you, it’s me,” or the equally banal “I love you, but I am not in love with.” Neither say much. The what and whys still remain mysteries.
The reality is that in some cases people realize their needs have changed. If you both agree to monogamy, and one firmly decides they want an open situation, failure is just around the corner. If you start dating and one wants marriage and the other not, eventually, if no one has a change of mind, someone has to say goodbye. After years of being together, some couples conclude that their marriage had a beginning and an end. It is not necessarily true that anyone is at fault. It is just a case of changing wants and needs.
Time Can Bring You Together… or Tear You Apart
Different interests, belief systems or passions can turn compatible people into strangers. If your differences are at odds with each other, that can undo the bonds of love. When love starts, a number of things can change. That flurry of passion can simply fade. There is no one to blame. it is one of those cases where desire was gone. The love that seems so good at age twenty may not look so good at forty. Time can bring couples together. It can also tear them apart.
Change, age and interests divide couples. The nature of relationships is complex. They can be so hard to understand that the reasons for parting may require a course in psychology in order to fully comprehend the details.
It is understandable that when love dies answers are needed. We want to learn and grow from the past. The problem is that you may end up of blaming yourself for something that is not your fault.