Whether you’re in a relationship or simply crushing on a guy, there are clear signs that you’re too attached to him. Even if he’s as obsessed with you as you are with him, your actions could be dangerous. You don’t want to develop unhealthy feelings or end up getting hurt.
Many people (especially women) equate loving a man with perpetual giving, submitting, and acquiescing. A woman may seem to have an endless supply of love to give to others but little to offer to herself. She tends to submit, thinking her role is to support rather than take the lead. Unfortunately, she often acquiesces her power in the relationship to help her man feel more powerful and remain dominant. A woman’s identity should not be dependent on proving her love. Nor should a man’s identity be defined by how well he provides. When a woman overly relies on feeling fulfilled by doing everything she can to make her man happy, she seldom realizes how little she gets in return.
The following signs will hopefully give you a bit of insight into behaviors that suggest you love your guy a bit too much:
- Standing On Your Head To Make Him Happy
If your man is grumbling, distant, and uncommunicative, don’t take it as your cue to jump up and start catering to his needs. Fluffing his pillow or spending hours in the kitchen fixing his favorite meal won’t cure his woes. It will only exhaust you. Yes, he might seem like your everything. But doing “everything” for him demeans and enables him. Should you continue on this path, your man will likely see you like his mother rather than his lover and partner. Women often feel overly responsible for their men’s wounds and moods, worrying that they either caused or amplified them. In her eyes, she must have done something wrong to force him into silence and detach from her. A woman, therefore, sees it as her duty to nurture him into a mood change and may experience unnecessary shame or guilt.
- Looking Up to Him and Looking Down on Yourself
Many women put men on a pedestal because of a collective legacy of feminine degradation. After all, myths tell us that the sun shines brightest, and the moon only glows because of the sun. For centuries, women have been brainwashed into believing a man’s intelligence is superior to all other genders. This conditioned belief is difficult to purge even for the most liberated and accomplished woman. If you place your guy on the highest rung, thinking he is more intelligent, capable, and ultimately more important, all that admiration will make you look and feel pathetic. Your adoration will likely only fuel an already too big ego and will only erode your sense of self-worth.
- Abandoning Your Friends to Spend Every Waking Minute with Him
The worst thing a woman can do is deny herself time with her friends or from her hobbies. Concerned her partner will miss her too much, unable to fend for himself, she may get anxious over being met with disapproval if she spends too much time away from him. If you are the type to only contact friends when your mate is away or hang up the phone abruptly when he comes through the door, you might be damaging other relationships. For example, your friends are probably annoyed by your rude behavior. You also could be missing out on precious time to develop your favorite hobbies. When things aren’t running smoothly in a relationship, self-care practices like spending time alone or with good friends are essential. Make sure to listen to your friends when they offer support and advice.
- Your Goals Don’t Matter As Much as His
Prioritizing your partner’s goals and abandoning your goals, whether a career choice, an educational opportunity, or a spiritual journey, only derail your quest for personal fulfillment. Perhaps you sacrifice too much to encourage him because you believe he deserves success more than you or because you don’t believe in yourself deep inside. However, if you put your personal goals on the back burner too long, your dreams will simmer away, and you may end up resenting both him and yourself.
- Kissing Up Too Often
No matter what you believe, kissing up to your man won’t tame the beast in him. On the contrary, he will lose respect for you and complain even more. It is common for a woman to side with her mate, even if she knows he’s wrong, support poor decisions or refrain from giving advice. She may think she is proving her love and faith in him by keeping silent. If you find yourself the one to always say sorry first, taking the brunt of the blame for all arguments, you will lose self-respect, and your self-image will crumble. Sure, you may believe it is easier just to let him think he’s won, but he has lost something valuable too – his respect for you.
- Submitting to Sex
Love and sex are simpatico in a woman’s mind. Yet, thinking a man has affection on his mind when he pushes or coerces her to have sex is not “lovemaking.” Letting a man have his way with you doesn’t honor the sacredness of true intimacy. You will likely feel used and even abused if, after countless times of saying “no,” you ultimately submit. Sex is an expression of love, not a duty. Remember, you have the right to say “no” at any point of intimacy, and he must stop, or it may be considered abuse.
- He Gets Everything; You Get Nothing
He’s got every power tool available, a basement full of music equipment he doesn’t play, and just brought home a new Harley-Davidson saying it will save on gas. You? Your wardrobe consists of clothing found in the local thrift store, and you bought it with the change you had to dig out of the bottom of your purse. To make matters worse, you can’t help bringing him home “a little something” from time to time. Women who are in the practice of indulging their mates while denying themselves feel undeserving. They appear vicariously gratified just knowing their mate has it all. Just seeing him happy is enough for her.
- Dismantling Your Boundaries
Some women let their mates push them into agreeing to do things they know will prove disastrous. For example, inviting his best friend to camp out in your living room for a month because their spouse kicked them out for being a slob. Maybe your guy brought home two stray dogs because they looked lonely should push you to set some limits. But no matter how frustrated you feel, you don’t have the heart to tell him this behavior is disrespectful and forces you to do extra work. So instead, you stay silent, not wanting him to think you are being “difficult.” But if you invariably dismantle your boundaries to accommodate your partner’s fragile heart, your heart will brim over with resentment. Loving someone means you respect him enough to set limits, expect that he treats you with respect, and makes compromises in as many meaningful ways as you give to him. A woman may have to fight her inclinations to submit and sacrifice in the name of love. If she yearns to receive love, she must first love herself enough to ask for what she needs and stop giving endlessly, thinking it maintains her space in his heart.
It is vital in every relationship to have balance, especially when it comes to parity in time, effort, and affection. Love is not an endless supply. It takes hard work, patience, and reciprocity. Set healthy boundaries and make sure you both respect one another’s limits. This will prevent you from overtaxing yourself or getting hurt. Finally, make sure you form your sense of identity and have a clear vision of your dreams and goals. A man worthy of your time and love will find ways to nurture and support you, as will for him.