You’re both tired. The kids are light sleepers. You’re not happy with your weight. You’re stressed out over deadline pressures at work. There are many reasons people in long-term relationships find themselves reaching for the pillow or the remote control instead of their partner’s body after the sun goes down.
But a healthy sex life is a key part of an intimate relationship, and neglecting it can push the two of you further apart. These tips could offer a bit of a shortcut, if you’re looking for one.
Do Some Chores
What causes stress? For some, it is often a set of unfinished chores or piles of stuff lying around the house (or office). For women, studies suggest that checking off all the items on a to-do list is enough to get them in the mood for some hanky panky. And a partner who rolls up their sleeves and helps out around the house is enough to turn them on. If you keep up with your boring chores you’ll have a better time in the bedroom.
Put Some Socks On
My grandmother used to always say, “Cold hands; warm heart.” However, according to some researchers, cold feet can lead to some very lukewarm sexual feelings. It’s true. If your feet feel cold during sex, you’re less likely to achieve orgasm than if your feet were warm. And guess when your feet are most likely to be cold—when you’re stressed! Cold feet are often a sign that your body has sent all it’s warming blood to the core of your body, for the “fight or flight” response. So if cold feet are turning you into a cold fish in bed, get some exercise, soak your feet in warm water for a few minutes, or put on a pair of socks.
Show and Tell
A sex expert once told me that it is much easier to tell a partner what you don’t like about sex, than it is to tell them what you do like. That’s because many people fear that what turns them on would be a turnoff for their partner. You’re desires probably aren’t as weird as you think they are and you thinking they’re weird probably stresses you out. And if you don’t tell your partner what you really like, the sex between you won’t be as good as it could be.
Jump start your sex life and remove stress by getting creative in the bedroom. Change the way you have sex or introduce some new toys into your mix. You won’t want to have sex if you’ve been doing it the exact same way for months or years, so change things up. Consider a romantic massage, bubble bath for two, new lingerie or a little role playing. You don’t have to be too kinky or too adventurous to get things going.
There is more to being intimate than just having sex. Do you and your partner cuddle or hug often? If you don’t you should! Not only does hugging or cuddling release oxytocin, a chemical that gets you in the mood, it also relieves stress. Spend more time touching your partner and getting close.
If you’re too stressed to have sex, you’re missing out on a lot of the health benefits of having sex—one of them being stress relief! Try any of these tips tonight and see if they get you in the mood.