Valentine’s Day is indeed the most romantic and sweetest day of the year, but with all that romance comes a lot of pressure—and probably some unmet expectations. That’s because you may have built up in your mind how your partner should profess their love for you. You may also compare yourself to other people and their celebrations.
If Valentine’s Day ends up leaving you feeling more disappointed than loved, here are six things you can do to work through your disappointments and make your relationship stronger.
- Check Your Expectations
You may have certain expectations when it comes to Valentine’s Day, but maybe what you really need is a reality check. Were you expecting diamonds and a gourmet dinner when you know that your partner is stressed out over money? You may be expecting too much. Were you expecting a marriage proposal when you know your partner isn’t ready for marriage? You may be expecting too much.
The thing about expectations is that if you don’t share what yours are, they aren’t going to be met. You partner isn’t a mind reader, and if Valentine’s Day wasn’t celebrated in a way you saw fit, it’s likely because you didn’t communicate your expectations. You should have said something.
- Acknowledge the Positive
Instead of focusing on what your partner didn’t do, or the ways they fell short, redirect your attention to the ways they showed their love. Not everyone speaks the same romantic language—your partner refilling your car’s washer fluid may be a labor of love even if you don’t interpret the gesture that way.
Perhaps your honey bought you flowers, but they aren’t your favorite ones. Or maybe your beloved opted to go out for dinner when you wished they had cooked for you. Let’s be honest: These are not real disappointments.
- Resist the Urge to Be Passive Aggressive
Being direct with your feelings is hard work. It forces you to be vulnerable and it puts you in an uncomfortable position of believing you are worthy of expressing your needs. As a result, it may feel easier to be cold or give the silent treatment to your partner in the days after Valentine’s Day instead of communicating your disappointment. But being honest and open is worth more than a dozen roses. In fact, having the courage to express yourself will bring your relationship to a more authentic place. - Talk to Your Partner
Explain to your partner how you feel post-Valentine’s Day. Don’t blame or point fingers. Use “I” statements to express your disappointment and take responsibility if you didn’t share your holiday wants with them. This way, your partner won’t feel attacked, and they will be more open to hearing your feelings. You never know, maybe they were expecting you to do something for them! - Share Your Romantic Wants
Use this situation as an opportunity to share your perspective on Valentine’s Day—and romance in general. Share what gestures you find romantic and be curious about what your partner has to say on the topic. You both want each other to feel loved and cared for; you may just have different ideas of what that really means. This is a great chance for you two to connect and deepen your understanding of your respective love languages. - Reevaluate the Relationship
If all of the above just doesn’t apply to your particular situation, then you may have a bigger issue on your hands. Maybe you did clearly express your needs, and your partner chose not to listen. Perhaps you said how much you love Valentine’s Day and you really wanted to do something special, and your partner just didn’t seem to care. If your disappointment runs deeper than just this holiday, examine if this is the partnership you want to be in.
The advice on using ‘I’ statements is quite practical. It’s often overlooked how much our communication style impacts our relationship dynamics. Could be a game-changer for many.
This article offers insightful advice on managing expectations and communication in relationships, especially around emotionally charged dates like Valentine’s Day. It’s crucial to remember that everyone expresses love differently and understanding this can truly deepen the bond between partners.
A well-considered piece that reminds us of the importance of clear communication and mutual understanding in relationships. By focusing on the positives and directly addressing any disappointments, couples can emerge stronger. This article serves as a valuable guide for navigating the complexities of romantic expectations.
The notion of resisting passive-aggressive behavior is particularly valuable. Often, indirect communication only compounds the issue. Expressing oneself openly and honestly may be uncomfortable but is ultimately more constructive.
I appreciate the advice on focusing on the positive aspects of what your partner does, instead of dwelling on what they didn’t do. It reminds me of the importance of gratitude in relationships. Acknowledging small gestures can indeed make a big difference.
It’s interesting how this article navigates the complex emotional landscape of Valentine’s Day. The notion of using ‘I’ statements for communication is compelling and likely to foster a more empathetic dialogue.
This article makes a valid point about the dangers of unspoken expectations. If we don’t communicate what we want, our partners will never know. It’s a good reminder that open dialogue can prevent many misunderstandings.
This article reeks of condescension. Seriously, if my partner needs this much hand-holding to understand basic human emotions, maybe it’s time to reconsider the relationship altogether.
While the advice is practical, it lacks any profound insights. Anyone with a modicum of emotional intelligence already knows that communication and realistic expectations are crucial in a relationship.
So, basically, Valentine’s Day is a stress test for your relationship? I thought it was about love, not an endurance test to see how much unmet expectations we can handle. Hilarious!
Unfortunately, Dummy, for many, it does turn into a bit of an ordeal. But perhaps humor is our way of coping with it!
The article provides a realistic perspective on managing expectations around Valentine’s Day. It’s true that communication is key in any relationship, and this day is no exception. However, I think it’s also important for both partners to understand each other’s love languages to avoid such issues altogether.
Ah, the perennial struggle of Valentine’s Day! This article is a lifeline for those drowning in unmet expectations. Communication is indeed key, and this piece brilliantly underscores its importance. Kudos!
This article provides a refreshing perspective on Valentine’s Day. It’s easy to get lost in commercialized expectations, but this reminder to communicate and cherish small gestures truly hits home.
Absolutely, Ash. The emphasis on open communication is particularly crucial. Many relationships falter simply due to a lack of expressing one’s expectations.
Valentine’s Day: a capitalist conspiracy to sell overpriced flowers and chocolate! Managing expectations? How about boycotting the holiday altogether!
Agreed, Magdalena! Let’s replace Valentine’s Day with ‘Communicate Your Feelings Day’—now that’s a holiday I can get behind.
Touché! But in all seriousness, the holiday can still serve as a reminder to express our love more openly. It doesn’t have to be about materialism.
It’s amusing how the article suggests we should be grateful for a partner who refills our car’s washer fluid. Really setting the bar high for romance, aren’t we?
Oh great, another article telling us to ‘lower our expectations.’ Why should we constantly be the ones adjusting while our partners get a free pass? Disappointment is a legitimate feeling.
I found the section on reevaluating the relationship quite thought-provoking. Sometimes, disappointment on Valentine’s Day can be a symptom of deeper issues. It’s essential to reflect on whether these patterns are isolated or part of a broader relational dynamic.