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Why Not Stay Single?

This subject is deeply personal to me and also a difficult topic for many individuals, who often associate being single with being lonesome. Let’s stop this negative mindset.

Being Single is “Unacceptable”                              

It seems like being single is a terrible thing to be—especially if you are a woman. Everything in our society seems to be oriented around couples, whether it’s having sex or raising a family. It’s so bad that many of my female callers feel like they can’t even go to a restaurant alone because “people will think it’s strange.”

single 1Single Women are “Incomplete”

We are brainwashed to believe that without a partner, we are incomplete. It doesn’t matter how successful we are; if we don’t have a partner or a family, we don’t have anything. What words come to mind when you think of an unmarried woman? Spinster? Old Maid? Why aren’t there any male equivalents to these labels? That’s because no emphasis is placed on a man’s “biological clock.” It’s not “ticking,” so he doesn’t have to search for a partner to make him whole.

I Bought Into the Myth (for a While)

In my youth, I totally bought into the myth of the incomplete woman. I thought I needed a man to be happy. That’s why, at age 28, despite my best attempts at finding a man who would commit to me, I became a Third-Order Sister. I lived outside of the convent, and was free to date or marry, but I chose not to. I chose voluntary celibacy.

On Becoming a Third-Order Sister

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I was tired of trying to have sexual relationships with men who couldn’t relate. And for 14 years, I was blissfully happy! I enjoyed my life. I enjoyed being free of family responsibilities and having plenty of time and energy to devote to my ministry. I enjoyed hanging out with people, listening to their stories, singing and praying with them. I let them cry on my shoulder. I encouraged, advised, and comforted them until 4:00 a.m. if need be. I was everybody’s sister, and mother to the younger people. I loved each of them dearly. And I loved coming home to my sanctuary, which was my clean, quiet, peaceful house where I lived alone with the Lord.

The Freedom to Do Whatever You Want

Now, you could argue that being a Sister is different from merely being single, because I had the company of the Lord, which is true. But really, I had freedom, just like any single person does. I just chose to spend my freedom on prayer, meditation and exploring and deepening my spiritual life. Like a single person, I also had the freedom to come and go as I pleased. I had the time and energy to be with friends. I volunteered, enjoyed hobbies, and ate popcorn for supper at midnight. I didn’t have to answer to anyone or cater to their demands.

Then I Inherited a Farm

Then I inherited a nine-acre farm. I was excited for the challenge, but very soon I realized I could not take care of it myself. I prayed about it, and a few days later a friend from karaoke confessed that he was in love with me. We became a family 10 years ago. Now my house is always noisy and messy. I have become a servant in my own house. I’m the cook, the maid, the mommy and the nurse. I have no time whatsoever for myself, my friends or my ministry.

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I Still Miss My Single Life

The time I used to spend in meditation is now spent arguing about finances and all the other things couples normally argue about. I love my husband dearly and I am very thankful for him and hope to grow old together. But in all honesty, I miss my peaceful single life. So, cherish it while you can. You may be praying and wondering when you’ll meet your soulmate, but when you do, know that your life will no longer be yours to live as you please!

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