“I want to do it differently this year, I want change, I want to make it right” Alexandra told me. “I want to really focus on the love I want to attract. Get clear and really create it. Can you help me?”
“Absolutely!” I told her.
We worked out a package of sessions for readings and coaching, and the first assignments I gave her were all about getting clear about the kind of love she wanted to bring into her life—the first step in attracting your best love.
The Value of Clarity
Though I’m a firm believer in co-creating with the Universe, I think that pop culture dumbs down the Law of Attraction. There are a few steps to successful manifestation, and one of them is clarity. I see it time and time again with clients. The ones who find success in their love life are the ones who know what they want (and don’t)—and are able to fully feel what they want.
Without clarity, you are likely to manifest results that aren’t satisfying or long-lasting. If you are focused intently on your lack of relationship or what is wrong in your current one, then you are living in those challenging and confusing emotions and can’t create a story that includes what you do want. This is where the Law of Attraction, as put forth by the likes of Abraham, is clear: “Focusing on what you don’t want brings more of what you don’t want.”
While it helps to recognize what you would rather avoid in order to get closer to what you do desire, many clients get stuck in the “don’ts.” I encourage my clients to move through this stage to the “do’s.”
Letter of Clarity
First, I had Alexandra write a letter. She chose to address it to her spirit guide; you could choose God, the Divine Mother, yourself, an angel—any helpful agent in your life. You aren’t going to mail it, but I’d suggest you make this letter as sincere as the letters you wrote to Santa as a child. I’d encourage you to handwrite it, too.
Alexandra wrote it in her journal, and the subject of the letter was her amazing new romance. Her assignment was to write down how this new relationship felt through every one of her senses. How did this person smell? What did they look like? What was their voice like? And so on. I encouraged her to make it really vivid and to allow her heart’s vision to run free. The next aspect of the letter described how she felt in the relationship; free, joyful, seen, heard…whatever is true for you, put it in the letter. When she thought about this person, how did she feel inside? I asked her to describe how they communicated, how they resolved disagreements, their sexual life, their attitudes toward family, culture, whatever. A full and well-rounded picture. Remember—no one is going to see this but you!
The task was harder than it sounded. Alexandra was afraid of being unrealistic. I reminded her that she was writing about a whole relationship—including how they dealt with the hard stuff. She made a few attempts she had a vision she was satisfied with. Her assignment then was to take time to read this letter aloud to herself every evening before bed and to give thanks for this person coming into her life with a quick visualization in the morning.
Although the exercise does include physical details, it’s important not get too stuck on the particulars (eye color, height, weight, etc.) of the person. Otherwise, you might not recognize your new love when it comes! Although I’ve seen remarkable success with this exercise, our culture over-emphasizes the physical. The point is to really immerse yourself in the whole person, the whole feeling of the relationship.
Why You Can’t Have What You Want
The next step is to identify your barriers to getting what you truly desire. This is a book-length topic, but, in brief, Alexandra and I worked on her limiting beliefs about why she couldn’t get what she wanted. Past life blocks, family belief systems, whatever—there were plenty of nuggets for Alexandra to get work with. Some I could clear for her and others required healing work.
It turned out that she had an entrenched belief in the adage, “you can’t have it all.” So she felt like she couldn’t; not a career and a lover, not a lover who brought it all to the table, not deep love and sexual fulfillment. Alexandra didn’t realize that these were her beliefs until we started to unpack them. So while she was faithfully “creating” with her letter, she was also paring away barriers with other personal growth tools.
The clarity letter is a great first step in understanding how you want your ideal love to make you feel. When you can fully step into the feeling of what you want, then you can create and attract it with greater ease. Uncovering blocks and barriers is something you can do without help, but it’s more challenging to do so on your own. A spiritual advisor, life coach, counselor, or combination of supportive helpers is key to helping you get out of your own way and welcome in the love you want this year.